Disney World Tips, Walt Disney World

Sh*t Evan Is Gonna Say…And How To Respond

Your dickwad neighbor, co-worker, cousin, or whatever the hell relation they have to you is obviously named Evan. This bastard is bound to offer you advice on visiting the house of mouse. Namely, “you could just {insert non Disney trip idea here} instead.” Helpful little tidbit ain’t it. Here are three common comments and some useful retorts.

Editor’s Note: You could just punch Evan in the dick or avoid the prick entirely, but if that’s not an option and/or legal fees aren’t your thing keep reading.

1. It’s expensive

Evan: You could just go to Six-Flags instead, it’s way cheaper.

Not Club 33’s Reply: Instead of that hourly motel you could have just gone to the ballgame like you told your spouse, but that’s none of my business. 

Your Reply:  Fuck you Evan . That hourly motel looked cheap.  Evan, that’s a great place to enjoy for a day, but I’m planning a {insert number} day vacation which will always cost more. Walt Disney World is a full vacation experience and trying to compare it to an amusement park really is unfair. This place is 43 square miles, roughly the same size as San Francisco. Editor’s note: If you can be this polite with Evan, bless your soul. Fuck Evan!

2. Landlocked

Evan: I’d rather go to the beach

Not Club 33’s Reply: And…. I don’t recall inviting you.

Your Reply: It’s called Blizzard Beach, bitch. Google that shit!! I love the beach too, but we’ll still get our time on the water at Disney. Disney’s got some awesome lakes where you can rent boats, jet skis and even parasail. Their resorts have white sugary sand along their shorelines for walking barefoot complete with hammocks to relax and nap in. Plus, they have two great waterparks.  Editor’s note: make that 2.5 waterparks if you’re lucky enough to stay at Beach Club, but that’s a different post

3. The Memory Game

Evan: Your kids aren’t even old enough to remember the trip

Not Club 33’s Reply:  You don’t even remember what you did last night, drunk-ass. 

Your Reply:  They don’t remember the first time we held them either that doesn’t mean it was a bad idea. Speaking of bad ideas, why in the hell did I mention my trip to you? While they may not recall every detail kids remember spending time with their family, and our phones have pretty good video capabilities now too so we can revisit the trip for years to come. Plus, I will always remember it.

Never let Evan rain on your parade, especially if it’s the 3pm parade down Main Street USA.  

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