A Cynical Trip: I promise I’m done talking about myself for a while…

Welcome back to Not Club 33, your new home for the Disney Cynic!

Today I’m going to quickly finish off the attractions we did, both of which were at Animal Kingdom. Then I have to encourage you guys to be better and / or help others be better. Clearly Disney isn’t going to address this, so now I have a new vendetta. Well, two…paper straws AND this other one. I’ll get to it in a minute. Let’s finish off Animal Kingdom!

Animal Kingdom

Our stop at this park was cut short by thunderstorms unfortunately. We had booked fast passes for Dinosaur, Kilimanjaro Safaris and Expedition Everest, but were only able to knock out two of them before the deluge. Due to the schedule of those fast passes we had to skip Pandora, one of the few things we haven’t seen yet. While that was disappointing, we still had a great time and can’t wait to try to spend more time here in the future.

Expedition Everest was the first of the two we got to do. It’s my wife’s favorite coaster on property, and it’s one that I should probably ride more often. Fast passes made this a better experience no doubt, as did us getting there just prior to the group of Brazilian tourists wearing matching tee shirts, all chanting and such. Kudos to them for their joy and culture and all, but when you’re a misery like me, it’s really easy to get annoyed by others who express their joy too loudly.

This was also our second go of it doing a Facebook Live while on an attraction. Again, it was a great success and I’m glad I did it. I almost lost an AirPod as we went backwards, which is why you see me reach across myself in the video. Next time we go we’ll definitely be doing more of it and with some sort of stabilizer so there’s not as much shaking.

Our final attraction before ending our trip was the appropriately named Dinosaur. I have problems with the plot, because I can’t help but have problems with the plot. Nonetheless, it must be seeing a resurgence in popularity. The wait time was higher here than at Everest. Maybe people like dinosaurs again, maybe they like air conditioning, either way we wouldn’t have been able to ride it without the fast pass.

See that above: This ultimately was the reason for our departure, and though it’s not the ending I’d hoped for, I’m glad I got the time I did.

Now, on to my biggest issue with this trip, and believe it or not, it has nothing to do with Disney proper. It has to do with the WDW going masses. While awaiting the shocker-less Steven Tyler on Rockin Roller Coaster, an overeager family decided they NEEDED to be right at the door. Instead of even saying “excuse me” and being polite, my wife literally got shoved in the corner. Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Look, I get the excitement. I too was excited and overeager about being at Disney World. It was probably 15 years ago since I was that way, but years of drinking around the world haven’t killed those brain cells yet. They also haven’t killed the ones that recognize douchey behavior, and while I’ve probably ruined a vacation spot or two in the name of comedy, I’ve never once done so while waiting my turn. I guess that’s the “line” I’ll never cross.

So I guess I’m calling upon the masses to start policing this shit themselves. Call it out. Ask if they can’t wait an extra 4 seconds and make them feel like an asshole. Let kids be kids, but you know when you’d smack ‘em for being a little psycho. Hell, I’d love to see cast members reward guests for not being a dick. If you are a cast member and you notice stuff like this, maybe use your magical fast pass powers and make a show rewarding people for being polite. Show people who hail from another part of the globe through context cues just what passes for normal social behavior. If I went to Tokyo Disneyland, I’d have to adjust to their cultural norms, and as long as no one is legislating this behavior, this Libertarian is on board with it.

The next trip to the parks probably won’t come until next year. We are planning on going down next month for the kickoff football game of Florida vs Miami. We’re even considering changing our accommodations from The B Spa & Resort to The Beach Club to relax even more. Rest assured, now that I’ve figured out Facebook Live, this won’t be the last you’ve heard from me. Until next time!

-The Disney Cynic

“I’m all beers!”

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