Written by Pat Neistat and Steve Rhodes.
All photos credited to Disney unless noted otherwise
All attractions were rated based on theming, enjoyment, and intangibles. Intangibles could be anything from simple wow-factor, nostalgia, or whatever else gives it that extra little bit of proverbial pixie dust. Note: Right now there are only 11 attractions at Epcot outside of the Pavilions at World Showcase themselves, which we’ve already addressed. However, help is on the way from Ratatouille and the Guardians of the Galaxy.
For the TL/DR crowd: Attractions are ranked from worst to first and we’ve color coded this shit so you can lazily scroll thru. You’re welcome.
RED (under 3 pts) = Brutal. ORANGE (3-6 pts) = meh.
BLUE (6.01 to 8.00 pts) = Good. GREEN (8.01+ pts) = Hell Yes!
2.00 Circle of Life: An Environmental Fable CLOSED
Pat says: At least it has air conditioning
Steve says: Timon and Pumba scream at you over standard definition video, this is some damned trash right here. Mufasa didn’t die for this shit, step your game up Disney!!
4.17 Journey Into Imagination with Figment
Pat says: Terrible. This has so much damn potential.
Steve says: The only reason it’s even rated this highly is the nostalgia of Figment. The original version of this ride was great. The current incarnation is a dumpster fire.
5.75 Turtle Talk with Crush
Pat says: Very interactive and fun for all ages
5.83 Gran Fiesta Tour – Starring the Three Caballeros
Steve says: A nice little boat ride featuring Donald Duck and two of his amigos. There’s usually not a very long wait for this so if you’re near the Mexico pavilion hop aboard.
6.08 The Seas with Nemo and Friends
Steve says: A dark ride through the aquariums at the Living Seas, Nemo, Dory and the gang join the real fish in the tanks thanks to some solid Disney imagineering.
6.17 Living with the Land
Pat says: It is dated but still enjoyable. Disney’s greenhouse is very interesting.
Steve says: This ride is the epitome of the old EPCOT Center, great educational and fun boat ride thru the greenhouse. The video screens near the end really need some updating though.
6.92 Mission: SPACE
Steve says: Recently refurbished with some new video screens and a brand new green mission makes this something the whole family can do. The original orange mission is still there and it also got benefit of the brand new video screens and remains a thrilling simulator ride.
7.50 Test Track
Steve says: still the fastest ride at Walt Disney World reaching a speed of 64.9 mph on the straight away. Guests get to model their own vehicles on a computer and the actual ride vehicle mimics the input vitals and you’re sent on your way.
7.75 Spaceship Earth
Pat says: A classic ride that takes you inside EPCOT’s iconic “ball.”
Steve says: If you can read this, thank the Phoenicians!
8.58 Frozen Ever After
Pat says: The animatronics are incredible. Typically 120 min wait- FastPass it.
9.42 Soarin’ Around The World
Pat says: The new 4K Screen is great. Use a FastPass on this one
Steve says: I said ‘wow’ about 18 times when I first rode this, it’s incredible, immersive and unique. Don’t go to Epcot and not experience this, one helluva ride.
