The Disney Cynic

Cynical Musings: Price Hikes Inspired By Nature

Disney World Increases Ticket Prices

I’m about as shocked that Disney is increasing ticket prices as I am that water makes things wet. Also, don’t ever say anything to the effect of “water is wet”. If that was the case, then raining on the ocean would make the ocean wet, which is obviously not the case. Any way, this is obviously Disney setting up a ticketing policy whereby they get to jack the price up to whatever they want based on the demand, therefore making it plausible that they get to charge a BLEEP ton of money for Star Wars when it opens. That may be the definition of Cynical, but you’re kidding yourself if you don’t think that’s what they’re doing. Also, is there a difference between a ton and a BLEEP ton? We’ll find out here in a few months.

New “Nature Inspired Resort” Coming to Former River Country Site

BLEEP you Disney! Do you know how many resort concepts I’ve come up with that are significantly better than “nature inspired”? I’d say at least four. I don’t have a problem with a new resort. In fact, based on my previous posts, I’ve basically been clamoring for a new resort because we haven’t gotten one in a long time, especially of the Deluxe variety. They’ve been adding on to existing resorts for so long I was beginning to think they’d run out of ideas. The biggest problem I have with this is that there are already two nature inspired resorts right next to the proposed site. I’m tired of feeling “rustic”, I want to feel opulent.

Stay-Cations Have Merits, But Are Weird Conceptually

Full disclosure, the biggest reason for the delay in this post is because the wife and I were having one over the weekend. We got to stay at the Westin Peachtree Plaza in downtown Atlanta, and it was a super cool experience. I’d never been that high up in a skyscraper before. It also gave me the opportunity to view sites of the city I call home from a perspective I’ve never had before. It was totally worthwhile, and I’m so glad we did it. That said, it’s a little odd that I was looking down on where I went to college and if I had a pair of binoculars handy, I might’ve been able to make out basically where I live. It’s an odd concept to “go on vacation” like 12 miles down the road. This, ultimately, is why I don’t want to move to Orlando. I do like that if BLEEP hit the fan, as my neurosis often can kick in and make me believe would happen, it wouldn’t take us hours to get home. Maybe I’d feel less weird about it if I lived further away from the city.

Celebrities Find Old Disney Movies “Problematic”

BLEEP-ing hate society sometimes. As a Libertarian, I find myself clinging to the First Amendment like Mufasa above the stampeding herd of wildebeests that has so clearly become a metaphor for social media, specifically Twitter. The link above takes one to a story about Keira Knightly stating that she “banned The Little Mermaid” from her household because the story is “problematic”. I find it problematic that people will blindly listen to anyone with a modicum of fame about this kind of stuff. To take this out to the logical conclusion, should we ban movies from the 20th century all together? I mean, there are some legitimately awful things portrayed in movies even after the turn of the century, so should we ban those movies too? Should we re-write history (and by extension, historical films) to include a 21st century perspective?

The answer should be hell no, we should have our own sense of perspective, and we should all learn to watch stuff like Blazing Saddles or All In The Family without cringing or having a crying fit. Blazing Saddles is still one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, and I would prefer to be in prison than have it be banned. If you don’t like that a company that pays you millions of dollars to pretend to be a fairy didn’t realize that a new wave of sociology was brewing and would come to a head 30 years after the fact, maybe you should find a new skill set and find a company that will accept your new wave idealism.

It’s The Holiday Season

I give up. I hate that Christmas stuff is already appearing in stores and at theme parks, but clearly the rest of you want to do it. I won’t get into the holidays until I start seeing the “War on Christmas” posts, which will remind me to get back to my parody novel that’s basically Full Metal Jacket with Christmas characters. It follows Private Kris Kringle as he works his way through the Christmas Corps (of course going through basic training on Easter Island) and, spoiler alert, ends with Donald Trump declaring victory in the war. It’s much more ridiculous and BLEEP-ed up than anything I’ve posted here, but friends I’ve shown it to have nearly crapped themselves reading it. I’m hoping to have it finished in time for the season, but like so many things, I’ll probably punt it to next year. If I do finish it in time, you best believe I’ll be selling the crap out of it here.

New Concept Video Released For Skyliner

What a time to be alive! Disney is going to pack us into outdated-looking gondolas and suspend us in the air on metal wires in the lightning capital of the country! It may ruin the parks sight lines, but at least we won’t have to worry about a bus! Clearly I’m super excited about this. Honestly, why do we keep looking backward for transportation solutions? Elon Musk wants us all to ride trains that go super fast, the city I call home put a trolley system in the middle of the busiest non-highway in Atlanta and only recently started to ask people for money to ride it. One of the things I value most in life is my right to privacy (hence why I still use a nom de plume instead of just giving you my full name, even though most of you know damn well who I am and are only reading this because of that). I want my own space, I want control of my own destiny, and therefore I want my own car. One of best things to come out of the Disney Springs reconstruction were the most efficient parking decks I’ve ever seen. That’s where we should be focusing our efforts.

Ok, I’ve mused and ranted enough. Look for musings coming soon. In the meantime, I’ll be stretching the limits of my googling skills to come up with fresh stuff. I’m not making any promises on the dates, Until next time!

-The Disney Cynic

“I’m all beers!”

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